Change is something that i require in my life quite frequently. I feel the need to throw things of mine away after a certain couple of months - always giving a third of my clothes i dont wear away to salvos or such places or friends. I feel the need to change things i do, or change something in my room, i feel the need to change house, change suburb, change my whole life. From the smallest thing to the biggest thing. This usually comes about through sadness or anger or frustration when things arent good. I change my room - it's never a big change but a change none the less. This time something major has come from this need to change.
I have one wall in my
tiny bedroom that is covered in paintings, writing, hand prints from years ago, from song lyrics, to secret messages only friends and i know are there, there are names on that wall that have been loved, hated and burnt (my mate and i were weird) there have been confessions of secrets on this wall that no one usually can notice, there is sadness, there is youth, there is apathy, there is happiness, there is blood, there is sweat, mostly there are tears - of joy and of complete loss, there are images that inspire, there are memories that sting, there are memories that bring a smile, there are stages of my life only i saw, there are stages of my life that were dark and "dark", there are new begings, there are lost friends, there are stories of love and sailing away, there are "poems". There on my wall is a 14 year old girl who wanted to practice and find her talent, to be understood, to be accepted, for those to look at her and see beauty, who tried but never quiet hard enough, there is a 15 year old girl who wanted nothing but to be alone and was full of hatred, there is a 16 year old girl who was fun and bubbly but closed off to the world, there is a 17 year old girl who loved, who hurt, who grew, who learnt, who lost, who found, who began smiling again, a girl who made MANY mistakes, who was heartless to those she cared nothing for, who was finally warmed again, who changed her life, who did amazing things, who worked hard, who realised finally thinsg would be okay, who pushed herself, who realised it was time to stop negative thoughts, who got drunk, who got sick, who finished school, who traveled and so much more. There only a few very
small times on this wall where an 18 year old wrote words of inspiration, who started to cover over certain sections, who can see a brighter furture, who can understand any of the secret messages that now make her laugh and make her cry, who realised respect was due to everyone back then but is proud she learnt her ways, who can see all the love she has felt, all the hatred and feels none of it now, who has experienced so much, a girl who has grown from the age of 14 to the girl she is now.
It's time for the biggest change for me. It's time to open up my room again - it won't feel so cluttered, bad things won't be there, a new start, a fresh look on room and outlook (even if this already began a long time ago) So many people have said not to do it but i feel i have to.
That is all right on that right now.
Something much more important.
My heart and soul goes out to the fire fighters, people of Vic, Red Cross and volunteers fighting the fires and helping people, to those who have lost their loved ones, and also to the thousands of animals dying and trying to fight for life.
Poor Koala :(
